Past Events

The Fourth of July Crabfest
July 29, 2007

[See Photos]

A parochial use of St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, Capitol Hill

Introduction by Jim Steed

Each year St. Mark’s holds a Crabfest to mark the Fourth of July, but of course it is never celebrated on the Fourth. That would be too formulaic. The Crabfest is presented by the College of Crustaceans, an august assemblage of parishioners who have been singled out for their crabbiness in years past. The College is ever-vigilant for new members, although it is equally quick to rebuff any who seek to actually run for Crab of the Year. Several promising candidates have come to grief in just this way over the years. And it should be noted that the College never explains its reasoning.

Those members of the College who have not yet entered into Glory and who are otherwise available process at the beginning of the 11:15 service, accompanied by various symbols of the upcoming event.

Some elements of the Crabfest are obvious. It’s an occasion for eating crabs, fresh corn, and watermelon, and for drinking cold beer. But it serves a deeper purpose. We recognize members of our parish family who have been especially notable for their, well, crabbiness in the past year—except that, in an appropriately quixotic fashion, we also recognize members of our community who have done good work for us in one way or another. This recognition is always offered with love and affection, not as a way of playing Gotcha or for any other hurtful purpose.

St. Mark’s being St. Mark’s, there are abundant prospective candidates. The College seeks to acknowledge worthy contenders, but of course there can be only one Crab of the Year, and the event is climaxed by the announcement of the name of the person whom the College judges to have most exemplified crabbiness in the past year.

The College of Crustaceans invites all present to enter upon this celebration of our parish family with light hearts and a good will.

A Theological Justification for Crabbiness
Or “Get behind me, Satan!”

By David Deutsch

Past precedent seems to indicate that the speech given by the outgoing Crab of the Year should be both humorous and crabby. Well, I don’t know too much about crab humor except such as “Why does the ocean roar? Because it has crabs in its bed.” Or “Why didn’t the little crab share? Because he was shellfish.” No, as you can tell, I’m no expert on crabby humor. But I do go to seminary and I thought I could make good use of this time, here on Crab Sunday at St. Mark’s, to talk about the Theological Justification for Crabbiness, subtitled “Get Behind Me, Satan.”

The one obvious candidate for Crab of the Year is not with us today except in spirit, although that is an iffy a faith statement as can be made. This crabby individual is, of course, Jesus of Nazareth: carpenter, rabbi, and at the top of his résumé, Son of God. I subtitled my little talk here Get Behind Me, Satan because I am always amazed at the angry, crabby way Jesus can lash out at people such as Peter. Imagine you are Peter. You have struggled with being a disciple, at times both totally dazed and confused, but nonetheless loyally and faithfully following your lord and teacher. You are not sure why yet, but you feel this person Jesus radiates a magnetic spirituality that pulls you along. You then hear from this person that you love…you hear from the mouth of the rabbi himself…that he is going to go to Jerusalem to suffer torture and be killed. You then cry out in a horrified voice, “God forbid it, Lord! This must never happen to you.” And Jesus, this very Jesus who, last week, you heard on a mountain say “But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or a sister, you will be liable to judgment,” this person you love and care for, turns and snarls, “Get behind me, Satan.” You are devastated. Satan? Such a loyal follower called “Satan?” You are shocked as was Peter. Now I could carry on what Jesus really meant. I could go on about how, having over come the temptations of Satan earlier, he now sees that the opponents he has to overcome are his very disciples like Peter who still think reasonably, egocentrically, and in terms of human success. But I won’t go in that direction. What I find heartening about Jesus’ response is that it is honest and real. We’ve all been crabby to the ones we love. In fact, can one be crabby to anybody other than to the one we love? I do not think so. In this unguarded moment, Jesus becomes real. He communicates honestly without the parabolic formula of which the Gospel writers are so fond. Other examples exist, such as Jesus’ encounter with the Syrophoenician woman who asks that her daughter be cured of a demon. Jesus’ lashes out to this distressed woman, “It is not fair to take the children’s food and throw it to the dogs.” The word “dogs” is quite an epithet as dogs were not highly regarded in the Middle East then and now. The Phoenicians—this woman was from Tyre in Phoenicia—were always the enemy of the Israelites. So, Jesus’ outburst is truly crabby especially in light of the “love your neighbor as yourself” campaign slogan that he used while he stumped across Galilee. However, to put this story in context, remember: Jesus had only recently fed 5000 people with 5 loaves and two fish; he had healed the sick in Gennesaret; and finally, in a highly scatological speech, lectured those nasty Pharisees on dietary matters. Having done all that, you would be crabby, too. Just trying to figure out how to feed five thousand people with 5 loaves of pita bread and two measly carp would be enough to put me over the top. Much less dealing with a Phoenician woman, a goy at that, whowants one more spirit-draining high-energy demonectomy for her daughter. Thus, Jesus acts in a very human, crabby way and justifiably gets his comeuppance from the woman. But, after such honest communication, the relationship between the two is now able to take place. And for me that is the point of the story.

Other crabby Jesus stories exist. I don’t have time to go into the over-turning of the tables in the temple which always seemed a bit stagy to me—a good sound-bite if you will. And how about the cursing of the fig tree—is that being a good steward of God’s creation????

Yes. Definitely, Jesus was crabby. Perhaps you have other examples. But the point is that those whom we love are those with whom we occasionally get crabby…with whom we get frustrated… and with whom we become disappointed. Perhaps forgiveness is only possible after some kind of articulation of the anger which causes the frustration. Our language with each other is a risk. But is reticence the answer?...Holding back? Don’t we need to express our frustrations in order to stay in relationship with one another? Thank you, Jesus, for your crabbiness. You are an inspiration to crabby crustaceans everywhere.

Crab of the Year Nominations – 2007

Our Tip of the Crab Hat nomination goes to Pamela Foggin for arranging to have the crab bread for communion today despite being personally opposed to it in the service.

We nominate Paul Abernathy for his sabbatical planning, sabbatical e-mail, sabbatical sermons, and sabbatically inspired outreach. The College gives him our Time Out Sabbatical Crab nomination. Hey, Paul how about a sabbatical from the Sabbatical?

If we could sing it we might and give Pontheolla Abernathy our Tammy Wynette “Stand By Your Man” Crab nomination for her ardent support of outreach to the wide world and her “gentle” prodding of the congregation at Shrinemont to get with it and act. We hear ya, Pontheolla!

Or do we? We give ourselves and the Entire Parish an Indifferent Crab nomination and admonition to get off our butts and do more than talk about outreach.

Susan Ryerson and Ken Allen jointly receive our Give Me Shelter Crab nomination for sequentially blasting the congregation for not signing up for the Shelter Project.

St. Mark's was electrified (literally!) when Paul Abernathy invited The One Campaign’s launch to use the Nave. The miles of wire, batteries of lights, tons of stage equipment, video cameras and four giant-screen remote TV “ feeds” created such a “show biz” circus atmosphere that we nominate Paul again, this time as our Barnum and Bailey Impresario Crab. The rumor that Paul rode into the Nave on an African elephant has been discredited!

Louise Walsh affirmed her Superwoman role this Spring by becoming Senior Warden, quietly helping Paul in the wake of Shearon’s departure, asserting firm leadership in the Vestry, and planning and then leading Shrinemont – and that’s just a starter. Louise, we give you our Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better Crab nomination.

As a group the First-Year Vestry Members missed Shrinemont this year. They get our Off to a Running Start Crab nomination.

As a group the Third-year Vestry Members missed Shrinemont this year. They get our Jeez, Louise. Does She Have To Do Everything? Crab nomination.

Immediate past Junior Warden Charley Donnelly gets our Singin’ in the Rain nomination for his brilliant timing in producing the rains that leaked through the Nave roof just as he turned the Junior Warden reins over to Jim Michael at the annual meeting.

One day last January Charlie Rupp set-up the old audio-visual system for a Women-to-Women’s film night in the parish hall. The women couldn’t make the system work. Charlie chose to stay home and advise by telephone, which led to a partial fix and the women a huddled mass around a single, barely audible speaker. Charlie gets our Thomas Alva Edison Crab nomination for his inventive use of telecommuting.

For his Buddhist-like meditations, singing bowls and dharma talks, Collie Agle receives our Sound of One Claw Clapping Crab nomination.

Then there’s Randy Marks who cobbled together the June 3rd Youth Sunday, Trinity Sunday, Welcome Sian, Goodbye Cardwells and we forget whatever else, creating the longest service in the memory of any living member of the parish. For this multi-tasked service he gets our On the 8th Day Crab nomination.

For getting our long-standing tradition of theatrical bare bottoms “above the fold” in the Washington Post, Rick Hayes and the cast of M Butterfly get our Bottoms Up Crab nomination.

For their year-long, drawn out, extended, prolonged and protracted leave-taking Larry and Ellen Cardwell get our So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, For Godssake Goodbye Crab nomination.

Then what to our wondering eyes should appear but Ellen’s email minute-by-minute novelettes on life in Racine. The College gives Ellen our Longest Electronic Umbilical Cord Crab nomination, with Crab Claw Cluster, inasmuch as she was a key Crab of the Year while here.

When Sam Sherman entered the Nave during the Annual Meeting, the Rector commented that at age 11 Sam looked more presidential than the incumbent President. We agree, and although he will have to wait a bit, we give Sam our “You heard it here first, Sherman for President” Crab nomination, the first such call since 1884!

Maddie Hartke-Weber gets enough school during the week and prefers not to attend the 9:00 o’clock service and Sunday school here, in favor of singing, acting, helping her folks at the Pub and the many other things she does around the church. The College applauds her participation, spirit of independence and willingness to stand apart from her peers. She has our Soft Shell Crab nomination.

As Chair of the Kitchen Cabinet Tucker Harris has brought new order and discipline to the church kitchen, winning praise from the D.C. Health Inspector for new levels of cleanliness and removal of aging food from freezer, fridge and shelves. We give Tucker our Kitchen Clutter Chaos Cleanup Kudo Crab nomination.

The College applauds Jack Richards as unquestioned king of the Kitchen Casserole Corps and notes his propensity to adorn the kitchen with instructive signs. Jack gets our Leave No Unsigned Space Behind Crab nomination.

We give a collective Ferdinand the Bull Crab nomination to the Saturday Morning Men’s Group for their love of sniffing flowers and their complaint that after they gave a flower to each woman present at the Mother’s Day service, no one gave them flowers for Fathers’ Day. Aw-w-w!

As if he didn’t get enough attention from us already, we note that Paul Abernathy engaged the other in a vintage flip-flop this year by switching from red wine to white wine and back to red wine (or was it the reverse?). Whatever! It seems apt that he should receive our Oenological Apostasy Crab nomination.

2007 Crab of the Year

The wonder about this year’s Crab of the Year is that however richly deserved earlier he eluded this singular honor until now.

He is well known for his mastery of arcane Functional Education lore, his inspired leadership of Christian Education classes and for fulminating about the state of the church’s fabric. Crabby during renovation of the Undercroft on his watch as Junior Warden, he managed to top himself this year, improving the audio system in the Nave and installing the LCD Projector in the Parish Hall so we can consume our Pub Lunches accompanied by embarrassing slide pictures of parishioners and power point presentations – just you wait for the Canvass.

Distinguished member of the St. Mark’s Denis Thatcher Society, ever faithful to his calling as St. Mark’s techno-verger, and always available physically or virtually to provide help to the technically and electronically challenged in the parish, we give you:

Charlie Rupp

our 2007 Crab of the Year.