Parish Life at St. Marks

Past Events

Crab of the Year 2008
July 27, 2008

Past Crab Address
By Charlie Rupp

The state of the Crab is imperiled, I regret to say. This particularly crab is glad to come in from the cold. Before I explained any more, let me set the security level: Top-Secret — Crab Eyes Only.

I cannot tell how good it feels to be in the company of “Hard Shells” and other crustaceans. I can relax and put my claws down for a change. Some you may know but others don’t. The College of Crustaceans asked me to go out as covert agent shortly after being named last year’s Crab of the Year. I had just molted my shell so I went off my feed and avoided those minerals needed to grow an new shell—so I went into the cold—the world of—how shall we say it: Softies. Never had I been so vulnerable—no shell in a strange land.

You cannot image what I found in the Softie world of St. Mark’s. They have revived the Race and Reconciliation Committee. I cringe every time I hear the word—reconciliation. Can you image a less crab-like behavior? Why not just rub shells against one another. Little bashing about never hurt anyone.

Now let me tell you about Shrine Mont—an event with a glorious reputation for bringing out crabbiness. The first thing facilitators do is to accommodate those with crutches and canes. No forced marches up and down the hills of Shrine Mont for them this year. A few forced marches up those hills on the crutches and even Heather Power’s inner crab would have been revealed. But no, they let her sit in the air condition comfort of the Old Rec Hall. Air Conditioning—can you image that at Shrine Mont? A couple of hours in a hot stuffy room would have bought out the inner crab in many. But nooooo, they used the air conditioners. And then, activity for evening was to “practice empathic listening skills”. Why would any self-respecting crab listen empathically? And this was just the beginning.

Saturday morning was given over to an all-out assault on basic behavior--near and dear to the heart of any every crab. People were shown exactly the steps are involved in jumping to conclusions about someone else. Now I ask you, if you cannot jump to conclusions how can you ever be crabby? Such fundamental step as selecting data to support you conclusion was discouraged. Can you image a world in which people look at data does not support their beliefs? And then the most outrageous of all ideas: People should give up “Being Right”. I don’t about you—I think indigent self-righteousness is at the core of crabbiness.

And then there was Saturday night at Shrine Mont. For years Saturday night at Shrine Mont was the premier coming-out event for Crabs of every stripe. The Func Ed folks would say that Saturday put people in the tension of associated with an issue. Now there is a word that warms my cockles. “Being in the tension” is sure-fire way of bring out crabbiness.

The content team (remember I was part of it--undercover—kind like of a male Valerie Plame) set up Saturday without a fishbowl conversation or even a plenary session. Without a plenary session, the chances of misunderstanding are almost nil—especially after practicing empathic listening. And of course there no opportunities for those of us with a sarcastic bent to lob those really good comments. I ask you how many crab have made their first appearance with a sarcastic comment on Saturday night.

I know I being to sound like Al Gore telling one horror story after another. I have report honestly to you so that you can know just how imperiled we crabs are. There were many other times when crabbiness was being devalued. I know you are all anxious to hear about this year’s Crab. So I cut this short.

There is one thing that may yet save the Crab and it is human nature. Let me remind of just a few things common to Washington that will bring out the crab in anyone; hot and humid summers; cold, icy winter; politics, politics and more politics especially in this election year—a bumper crop of commercials as Obama tries to turn Virginia blue. All of this may be enough to offset even the most determined to avoid crabbiness.

And a couple of words for the nominees, Charles Peniman say that death occurs in several forms—one is what the undertaker worries about, another is to be a shadow that cast no shadow. All of the nominees clear have cast a shadow that was noticed and noticed well enough to be remembered. So nominees take pride in your crabbiness, you are alive.

So may fellow crabs, take heart. And remember this talk is for Crab Eyes Only.

Crab Nominees

Marco Caceres epitomizes individual outreach in his work in Honduras, his prodding the parish to become more active, his class on understanding Archbishop Akinola, and his eclectic email communications via our Yahoo Groups, among others. As Drum Major of the St. Mark’s Chowder and Marching Activism Society, we wonder where all his time and energy comes from, and award him our Central American Energizer Sigue y Sigue nomination, which roughly translates as Energizer à Go-and-Go.

The post-9:00 o’clock service Coffee Hour rates mention for its quarter-cut doughnuts and bite-size pastries. Is this a dietetic move to reduce obesity? Or a biblical feeding of the multitude in disguise? It gets our Don’t-speak-with-your-mouth-more-than-half-full nomination.

Suspiciously close to the time of the Crab Feast Raiford Gaffney appeared to be campaigning for Crab of the Year – a well-known no-no. Lobbying to eliminate crabs at the Crab Feast and saving the Bay, she follows in the tradition of preserving the Bay by having no helium balloons at Easter. We give Raiford out Green Crab nomination.

We laud the attention of the Answering Angels who now have a small library of books to read while tending the phones, or is it something to think about while answering the phones? We give them our Functional Literacy nomination.

Sin and Despair are already Functional Education categories, and with the state of the economy and the price of oil and gas, we question the need for Anxiety as a new category that Jack Harris has proposed to add to the anxiety we have. We give Jack our Sin of Omission Rectified nomination.

The College of Crustaceans was shocked, utterly shocked to learn that anyone in worship authority would consider that CFRLC (Crab Feast Related Liturgical Customs) are inconsistent with concurrent baptism. Such was the case with Linda Chandlee and Jim Steed, who receive our coveted Crabtism nomination.

We note the increase of multiple time wasting standing ovations at the annual parish annual meeting and suggest a new nomination for the Congregation, the Cure the Clap – [pause] ping award.

Joya Cox recently wrote that she was thinking of leaving the church, despite having paid for her columbarium, saying that "genuflection…vestments…smells and bells", and the length of the 11:15 service get in her way. After denying use of genuflection and bells and smells only twice a year, and admitting to vestments and sometimes long services, several wrote to her expressing our love for her and that it would be inconceivable to us for her to leave. The College concurs. Stand by. We give her our No Columbarium Left Unfilled nomination.

Every year Brock Hansen offers an intercession near Penny Hansen’s birthday noting that she has achieved a certain number of years – never specified. The College lauds that familial discretion and we award Brock our I’ve Got a Secret nomination.

In the tradition of the Signage Committee the Associate Rector Search Committee has diligently toiled long and hard and long and hard to find nominees for the position for over a year. In hope that their labor will soon bear fruit the College gives the committee our Search for Tomorrow nomination.

Thinking of long labors, Michelle Strange’s name tag project has finally emerged, but what about those of us in the witness protection program? We give Michelle our Do You Know Me nomination.

For her threat of a $25.00 late registration fee at Shrinemont, we give Mary Thuell our Radical Hospitality nomination.

For her exhaustive legal analyses and responses to simple questions, giving added meaning to that marvelous oxymoron, “legal brief”, we award Rosemary Harold our Lady of Lavish Legalisms nomination.

Under the leadership of Tucker Harris the Kitchen Cabinet imposed strict, short deadlines for removing aging, unused or moldy food, then made whole-scale purges of old plates, pots, equipment and the uneaten food. She wins hands down our Kitchen Tsarina nomination.

For his distin-quished signage and energetic leadership of the Soup Kitchen, casseroles and bologna sandwich brigade, we give Jack Richards our That’s a Lot of Baloney nomination.

To Ben Shaibley, Terry Adlhock, Jeff Hunter and all who work with them to keep our landscape watered, trimmed and green, we give our Weed Wacker nomination.

Jim Kreeger has filled and fitted in remarkably well as our interim organist. An excellent organist, choir director, teacher and a quiet individual, we give him our Sotto Voce nomination.

The College of Crustaceans sings the praises of Eric Lipscomb whose growth and musical artistry have been wonderful to witness. Through his saxophone he has enhanced our worship while demonstrating a broadening, sophisticated repertoire that is a joy to hear. We give Eric our Sax-in-the-City nomination.

One of the pleasures of watching the children in the parish grow up is to see their skills and talents expand, and their confidence blossom and flower. One such is Emma Earnest, a flower with many blooms by her theatrical interests and her beautiful voice that has graced our services from time to time. We encourage her in her many talents, and award her our I Let a Song Go Into the Air nomination.

Soon Tom and Pamela Foggin will move to western Washington. The College wants to acknowledge the various tasks they have undertaken for the church, the quiet acts of kindness for various members of the parish, Tom’s weekly prayers for the military fallen in Iraq and Afghanistan, and for the stands they have taken, often alone. Tom’s insistence that Vestry elections should be contested is one such example and a healthy legacy to recall at our annual meetings. We award them our Straight Shooters nomination.

As Paul Abernathy frequently reminds us at length, he has an extensive quota of words to be used up each Sunday, or else he will explode. While the sight of someone exploding would certainly be striking, it poses all manner of unsightly clean-up problems. Therefore, with wishes for Paul's unerupted good health, the College gives Paul its Exploding Crab nomination.

We also note that Paul still surprises Pontheolla from time to time, as witness her look of surprise and wonder when Paul called her up during the 30-20-10 service and then movingly sang a song from West Side Story to her. We give Paul and Pontheolla our My Gawd, What’s He Gonna Do Now? joint nomination.

In a recent sermon Kay Johnson noted that as a Maryland resident she can contact her Congressman and Senators, but that members of the congregation living in Washington cannot. Reminded once again of this bitter truth, the College awards Kay our Na-Na-Na-Na-Na nomination.

The College has noted that Roberts’ Rules of Order can be a useful way to think about running a meeting, but when actually invoked often means that the meeting is out of order. We note with approval that Louise Walsh abides by Roberts’ Rules except when she doesn’t. She receives our Yes, But Not Now nomination.

As Junior Warden Jim Michael is diligent in his concern about fire safety and other safety reviews and inspections in the church. In the future look for seat belts in the Nave and air bags all around. Jim gets our Unsafe at Any Speed nomination.

For her participatory Vestry welcome announcements we award Kristen Hartke our Hokey Pokey nomination. [Everybody stand--Altogether now: You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out, you put your right foot in and you shake it all about. You do the Hokey Pokey, and you turn it all around. That’s what it’s all about.]

Crab of the Year 2008

He's a hard worker, loyal and he fulfilled the criteria for crabdom with his leadership of the Soup Kitchen setting the bar high for casseroles, commanding the bologna sandwich brigade, making persistent, nagging announcements, and reporting often on the Yahoo groups, just to name a few. He’s never seen a flat surface that he didn’t want to laminate with a sign. He is a Member of the Kitchen Cabinet and an enthusiastic purger of the old and moldy. He embodies the time honored St. Mark's tradition of participation in every parish activity - be it Greening, Dinner Dances, Nave Resets for Players Shows and concerts - which requires a willingness to work hard, a big heart and generosity without recognition. And he’s funny as a crutch.

We give you our Crab of the Year for 2008,

Jack Richards

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