Care Giving at St. Mark’s

Care giving is everyone’s business at St. Mark’s. It occurs in a myriad of ways: when we greet someone by name and really listen to what they have to say, when we pray for those on the prayer list in the bulletin and for those whose needs are offered up during the Prayers of the People, when we take time to visit someone who is in the hospital or homebound, when we provide a meal or a ride for someone, and when we make our services and facilities accessible to those with special needs.

In any week during the year, scores of parishioners care for one another in these and other ways. They do so quietly without fanfare and without seeking any recognition. They may do so because of a deep-seated understanding of the wisdom embedded in the Golden Rule; or they may consciously be striving to follow Christ’s injunction to “love one another.” Whatever the motivation, we can all be thankful that our parish community is filled with caring individuals.

At the same time, in a congregation as large and ever-changing as ours, there is always the possibility that parishioners’ needs may not always be known to the clergy, staff, or other members of the church. Over time, the Care Givers Group has evolved to assist the clergy in identifying and responding to the needs of parishioners. Operating within the “pillar” of Parish Life, the group consists of individuals who have been invited to serve the congregation in one or more of the following ways:

Coordinator

The current coordinator of the Care Givers Group is Lilly March, who has extensive experience in pastoral care and has developed the program at St. Mark’s over the past 30 years. Lilly may learn of a need, whether from the clergy, staff, parishioners, or the individual in question. Her first step is to speak with the person directly in order to learn more about his or her situation, the type of help desired (if any), and the degree to which the person wants other parishioners alerted or involved. She keeps the clergy informed of all contacts.

Tailored to the individual’s needs, the response may be handled behind the scenes and involve pastoral visits by the clergy or one of the trained care givers. Alternatively, it may involve marshalling support from a circle of the person’s friends, from a particular group within the church, or seeking volunteers from the congregation at large. When desired by the individual, the coordinator may also put the person’s name on the prayer list and/or use the Sunday bulletin and e-group to keep the congregation informed. Anne Barton has recently volunteered to post such notices to the e-group and to share the same information with the “Answering Angels” at Baxter House.

Pastoral Visitors

Once Lilly has an initial understanding of the parishioner’s need and the level of response desired, she will generally ask one of the Pastoral Visitors to follow up. At a minimum, these individuals have taken one or more of the workshops on care giving offered periodically at St. Mark’s, but many have advanced training in pastoral care or come from related professions. Because members of St. Mark’s live all across the metro area, Lilly has tried to recruit Pastoral Visitors who can support parishioners in their own geographic area.

These individuals understand that there is a distinction between expressing care for another person by reaching out with a call or visit, stopping by with a meal, or providing a ride and the deeper form of caring that entails sitting quietly with another person and “being present” in a loving, empathetic, and receptive way to his or her emotions, fears, pain…or silence. Frequently care giving involves both of these modes, but the Pastoral Visitors know that it begins with careful attention to what is said and felt.

When meeting with the individual privately (and depending on the person’s comfort level and interest), the Pastoral Visitor may offer the simple human connection of touch, which is a healing ministry in itself. He or she may offer prayers or read passages from the Bible. But most of all the Pastoral Visitor exercises the discipline of being fully present as an active listener: neither judging, analyzing, or “fixing” anything, but remaining quiet, calm, and loving.

If the individual would like help with meals, transportation, or just periodic friendly visits -- and gives the care giver permission to contact other parishioners – then the Pastoral Visitor’s role is to get the word out, serve as a point of contact for volunteers, and coordinate the congregation’s response in an efficient, timely manner.

Lay Eucharistic Ministers

The canons of the Episcopal Church allow for members of the laity to be trained by the clergy to take communion to those parishioners who cannot get to church. In most instances, the clergy do this themselves, visiting people in hospitals, nursing facilities, or in their homes. But depending on the size of the congregation and the range of needs, Lay Eucharistic Ministers (or LEM’s) can supplement available clergy.

In the Diocese of Washington, clergy select parishioners to serve as LEM’s. The Diocese provides one day of required training. At St. Mark’s, John Barton is currently our sole LEM. Parishioners wishing to receive the Eucharist outside of church services should contact the clergy. Neighborhood Liaisons and Pastoral Visitors will also ask individuals if they would like to receive the Eucharist and convey their requests to the clergy.

Laying on of Hands

The laying on of hands is an ancient Christian tradition in which an individual asks for a prayer on his or her own behalf or on behalf of another. While touching the person's head or shoulders, the lay server simply invokes god's healing power on behalf of the individual. At St. Mark’s, Rev. Paul Abernathy and Lilly March select and train parishioners to provide this ministry, which is offered during communion on the first and third Sundays of the month.

For more information on this subject, see the article that appeared in the March 2008 issue of The Gospel below.

The Laying on of Hands – What Is It All About?

On the first and third Sundays of each month, Paul or other clergy announce that during communion members of the Care Givers Group will administer the laying on of hands at the high altar. Many members of St. Mark’s may not be familiar with this tradition. Some may scoff at it as mumbo-jumbo while others may recoil from what they assume is fundamentalist faith-healing. This article seeks to demystify the practice.

An Age-old Tradition

The practice of laying one’s hands on another is rooted in the ministry of Jesus. Such person-to-person healing through prayer is also at the core of Christ’s great commission to the Apostles and all who follow him. Nor was this charge given only to priests; it is a ministry of the laity as well: “Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray….Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him...” (James 5:13-14)

The Process

One of St. Mark’s strengths is that it offers many ways for parishioners to explore spirituality. The laying on of hands is one of those ways. It has been offered since the 1970’s when Jim Adams and Lilly March asked members of her Art of Pastoral Care course to provide this ministry. Over the years parishioners with backgrounds such as social work and hospice care have joined the group. Skilled in “being present” for others, they also understand the importance of confidentiality, which is essential for this practice.

Because the laying on of hands is administered at the altar rail behind the choir, it is a private devotion. The supplicant simply kneels or stands in front of the lay server and states the matter about which he or she wishes to pray. It may be for one’s self or for another. The lay server then places both hands on the individual’s head or shoulders and offers a prayer, incorporating what the person has asked for and invoking the healing power of God. The following prayer from the Book of Common Prayer (page 456) is used: “I lay my hands upon you in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, beseeching him to uphold you and fill you with his grace, that you may know the healing power of his love.” Following the prayer, the lay server never mentions the subject again, even when encountering the supplicant in private.

Why do we do this?

A sample of lay server responses: “It is not about us as healers. We are simply conduits. I also like the fact that we are reclaiming this ancient Christian tradition.” (Gene Kendall) “I think of myself as a skeptic, yet I have found this very meaningful.” (Eleanor Whitman) “I have experienced its power for myself and feel a deep mutuality in it: I believe God’s healing love flows through both of us.” (Suella Henn)

For More Information

On February 5, 2006, the Rev. Shearon Williams preached about the theological basis of the laying on of hands and spoke movingly of her own experience in receiving it. Current lay servers would also be glad to discuss the practice with you: Lilly March, Beth Mahood Andrews, John Barton, Suella Henn, Gene Kendall, Barbara Nelson, Meg Athey Press, Bobbi Smith, Eleanor Whitman, and Arnold Winkelman.